With the holiday season upon us, this seems a good time to ask a question. As the parent or guardian of your family, who are the most important members? The answer is NOT your children. Think about it: the children in your care cannot survive without you. You are the provider, protector and nurturer. So why do so many of us run ourselves ragged to ensure our kids have everything they need, but putting our needs on the back burner? It often backfires. Self-care for parents (and this goes double for parents of special needs children) is vital to your children’s wellbeing!
As the holidays ramp up and a new year beckons, let’s take a moment and talk about self-care. Sure, a spa day might sound nice, but self-care we can incorporate into our daily life is better for us in the long run.
As a professional counselor, I start by helping clients look at three areas: diet, exercise, and sleep. Even small changes towards a healthier pattern in these areas can significantly impact mental health and well-being. So, take a moment to evaluate your lifestyle in these areas.
If you see room for improvement, make a small adjustment, think baby steps… Commit to increasing your fruit and veggie intake by one serving a day—as simple as taking an apple to work with you and actually eating it, or taking the stairs at work or parking farther away from the office or store. If you try to make a major change, you are likely to fail, but these small steps are more likely to stick and become a habit.
Research has shown both the negative impact of stress on our health and longevity and the benefits of practicing mindfulness in reducing it. Mindfulness practiced for a minute or two throughout the day can have a big impact. We cannot be anxious, stressed or angry when relaxed. Mindfulness helps us reset to a relaxed state and helps us be more effective in addressing the tasks and problems we need to solve.
Mindfulness, at its most basic, is consciously deciding to pay attention to the moment. It disengages our brain from ruminating on future concerns or past problems. It helps us reduce the stress hormones our body produces.
A mindful practice is as simple as breathing. Instead of just breathing, we pay attention to our breathing. We mindfully decide to take deep, slow breaths, describing to ourselves how the breath feels entering through our nose, how our chest feels at the expansion of the breath, and how the warm air feels leaving through our mouth. Three or four breaths like this can help us be focused, clearheaded and relaxed. Observing and describing is a key component of mindfulness. It shifts our brain activity from the reactive and emotional part of the brain to our prefrontal cortex, which is the logical, cause-and-effect problem-solving part.
Almost anything can become a mindful activity. Taking a walk, eating a snack, walking into a meeting. Take a moment and observe and describe the sights, tastes, and sounds you can identify.
Lastly, I encourage you to consider the word NO. Is your desire to provide for and meet your children’s needs balanced with your ability to say no to things that are too much? Too much time out of your day off, too much money, too much stress? Balance the pleasure you get from providing for your children with your ability to say no if it will help you maintain your health and wellbeing. In the long run you will be a better parent if you are healthier and less stressed out.